An outburst-inducing interaction that’s prevalent today is asking someone to wear a mask. Whether you’ve personally experienced this, witnessed it, or viewed the countless videos on social media capturing this type of interaction, it’s clear that mask-wearing has become a point of contention. This vicious cycle of emotion can start with an outburst of anger or rage followed by guilt and shame, which leads to fear and instability, which can then ignite further reactive behavior.

Although you might think that brash and pushy behavior is the quality that makes a person a strong leader, the opposite is actually often true. You should create your own list that is tailored to your particular fears and anxiety triggers. Be sure that the list starts with the easiest task and gradually works up to the hardest.

What Is Avoidance Coping?

For example, you might ask a friend to check in with you about a project you need to start or ask if you have had that difficult conversation with your coworker yet. If you find yourself being confronted by a colleague who uses inappropriate language or who makes you feel threatened, don’t reply in kind. Take action by reporting the behavior to someone outside the situation—make the impact of the behavior, in terms of how it made you feel, very clear. If you and your colleague are from the same department, the department head may be able to offer advice to help resolve the conflict. However, this option needs to be considered in light of the individuals involved. If not approached carefully, it may backfire and cause further resentment from your colleague, escalating rather than defusing the situation.

When your fear brain (amygdala) is lit up, the rational, calm thinking part of your brain (your prefrontal cortex) can’t come on line. Conflict avoidant people have an extreme fear of disappointing or being abandoned by others, so they’ll figure out ways to deny or minimize problems so they don’t have to discuss them. The result of all this avoidance are feelings of resentment, hopelessness and anger which build up over time and eventually come out in some crappy, unhealthy way. Avoiding or delaying a difficult conversation can hurt your relationships and create other negative outcomes.

Why emotional awareness is a key factor in resolving conflict

If you’re a visual person, for example, you can relieve stress by closing your eyes and imagining soothing images. It’s also about ensuring that problematic issues (like the one with your co-worker) are dealt with so they don’t happen again in the future. Disagreeing with someone doesn’t necessarily mean “fighting.” Keep in mind that it’s not about blaming the other person or proving who’s right and wrong in a given situation. Regardless of the reason, it can help to identify the root of your fears first so you can have more honest conversations with your partner. Also, the ideal timing and the best language choice for addressing an issue varies from couple to couple and from issue to issue.

And it can help you feel more accepted and loved by your mate. Couples and individual therapy can help with attachment insecurities. Couples therapy can be a safe space for an avoidantly attached person to open up. If you have an avoidant partner, seek multiple sources of comfort and support outside the relationship.

Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

And breaking this pattern becomes increasingly difficult as time goes on. The longer it persists, the more automated the reactive behavior becomes. “When people do something wrong, this primary psychological need is threatened, driving a defensive response. But addressing that psychological how to deal with someone who avoids conflict need to belong can reduce their defensiveness.” These are the negative ways in which we respond when we’re feeling insecure or under attack. Unfortunately, it is sometimes easier to swallow personal feelings than confront a person who is robustly defensive and extremely reactionary.

Lashing out at your mom for that condescending thing she said? Feeling guilty that you’re avoiding your dad because he drives you crazy? Today you’re going to learn my top three tips to not get triggered by family so you can find… A lot of the research shows that conflict avoiders often come from homes where conflict was a bad thing. Maybe voicing your opinion in your home growing up meant getting slapped, yelled at, belittled or something worse.